If things feel like an episode of Black Mirror, you’re not alone. (Figuratively speaking, at least. Please continue social distancing.) That’s pretty much how Meredith Schmidt was feeling when she created Dumpster Fire Candles in 2016.
Based on the start date, you can probably take a wild guess at what inspired her business model. It’s almost like she knew the murder hornets were coming!
The soy candles “represent redemption, letting go, or just some good old-fashioned hatred.” So whether you need a way to burn off some bad vibes (make sure to choose the right candle color), you want to smell something other than the litter box, or you simply decided to decorate your kitchen in a dumpster theme, there’s a Dumpster Fire Candle for you. In fact, there’s seven different scents that range from Coffee and Cigarettes to You Ruined Christmas. You little jerk.
On her site, Schmidt explains that the imagery of a dumpster fire is “devastating and funny at the same time, but it seemed dangerous and illegal to blaze a real dumpster.” She’s right. Your landlord won’t be cool about it, even if you explain that you’re just really bummed about Burning Man being canceled this year.
So, while you might be tempted to improve your space by getting a spendy, effluvient, high-vibe candle from goop, why not lean into the hot mess of 2020 by pre-ordering one of these for just $18? (UPDATE: Pre-orders are on hold, but we hope she’s making more soon!)
At worst, after we crawl our way out of this pandemic and those days of Zoom calls and baking loaves of peanut butter bread are behind us, it’ll say, I came, I saw, I got the t-shirt. Or, in this case, candle. Object recognition is hard out here for an AI.
Dumpster Fire Candle Scents
Smells like: “notes of the ocean, orchid, and judgement”
This fresh, floral candle will instantly transport you to a relaxing day at the… laundromat. Which is exactly where we wanted to go. To be honest, at this point, we’d go anywhere. We’d even pick you up at the airport! Sigh.
Smells like: “notes of wood, regret, and leather”
This scent is a stoner favorite. But even if the only green in your self-care routine is matcha, you’ll still love the heady notes of leather and sandalwood. (Translation: no, it doesn’t smell like weed. Not that we’d know, Mom!)
Smells like: “notes of absolutely nothing”
If you love the vibe of candles but don’t want your whole house to smell like a cinnamon bun 24/7, we don’t know what’s wrong with you. Order this one the next time you need a gag gift since it smells like the original Febreze: like absolutely nothing.
Smells like: “notes of cedar wood, Frasier fir tree and shitty gifts.”
Moral of the story: Try not to leave your cousin home alone next year.
Smells like: “notes of coffee, smoke and apathy”
If you spent the bulk of the quarantine trying to perfect your Dalgona Coffee recipe, this is the scent for you. It smells like sipping a cup of strong black coffee by a roaring fire — ideally a fire you started. On purpose. In a fireplace. Despite the name, it does not smell like your chain-smoking Tinder date who wouldn’t stop talking about Tolstoy. (We promise we’ve moved on to Bulgakov.)
Smells like: “notes of patchouli, amber and binge watching”
This one aged well. The earthy scent reminds us a bit of Nag Champa, and is perfect for nights in and finding something you haven’t yet watched on Netflix. On second thought, bangs?
Smells like: “notes of Uncle Randy’s recliner”
Our Uncle Randy was a very nice human. Sure, he smoked three packs of Marlboro Reds a day, and mostly loved Michelob Ultra, and feeding his pet snake while watching NASCAR. But, in fairness, Legs was very cute. Pouring out a White Claw for you little buddy.