Dicks are slowly going extinct, and dick pics may be to blame. Famous Dicks are few and far between these days, and no new ones are stepping up to replace them.
In the early 1900s, Dick — nope, not Richard, just plain old Dick — was a relatively common baby name. According to the Social Security Administration, we reached peak Dick in 1934, when the name ranked at #138 among baby names for boys. Which is how we ended up with a famous dick as a president… Richard Nixon.
But ever since ‘69, Dick hasn’t even scratched the top 1,000 baby names. As of 2014, it didn’t even register on the SSA’s name tally, meaning fewer than five were born that year.
The reason for Dick’s decline in popularity is probably obvious. While it’s been a slang term for, well, dick since 1836, the word became the go-to euphemism in the last 50 years. Not surprisingly, that’s right around the time people started to pump the brakes on the name and there haven’t been many famous dicks since.
But we have another theory for the recent near-extinction: Dick pics were the final nail in their coffin.
Who Actually Sends Dick Pics?
According to one government survey, 53% of millennial women have received a dick pic, 75% of which were unsolicited. The bulk highest group of senders seem to be guys with postgraduate degrees who live in the Northeast and who make over $80k (or who prefer not to disclose their income).
Those pics were received — and apparently, sent — with the amount of enthusiasm you’d expect, with women and men describing them as stupid (48%), gross (41%), sad (25%).
So, guys, you might be smart, but considering a paltry 9% of women rated them as sexy, think twice before sending your eggplant through the Internet. However, we think it’s totally ok to someone a pic of one of these famous Dicks we love.
8 Famous Dicks
(And yes, we realize some of these are Richards, but we make the rules around these parts.)
1. Dick Butkus
This guy definitely did important sports stuff. The NFL named this former Chicago Bears linebacker Defensive Player of the Year twice. Great job, Dick Butkus! Go sports!
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To mark the Bears’ 100th season, we’re counting down the 100 greatest players in franchise history. Coming in at No. 2 is linebacker Dick Butkus. ⠀ ⠀ Bill George, Mike Singletary or Brian Urlacher would be an easy choice for the best middle linebacker in most teams’ histories. But with the Bears, they are, unquestionably, second-best at most because Butkus is the legend still spoken about in hushed tones 46 years after his final game, the type of hard-nosed, aggressive linebacker that embodies what the Bears have always been about. The amazing thing about Butkus is the fact he never went to the playoffs and enjoyed only two winning seasons in his career but still is considered one of the greatest linebackers in history. That’s how good he was. Butkus was the greatest football player Chicago produced too. A far South Side native, he excelled at Vocational before becoming the best player in the Big Ten at Illinois. What set him apart at every stop along the way was his ferocity. His highlight reels still are shocking for their violence. Rams defensive end Deacon Jones, a Hall of Famer and a feared defensive player himself, said of Butkus: “Every time he hit you, he tried to put you in the cemetery, not the hospital.” Yet, for his ferocity, Butkus could drop into coverage, too. He grabbed 22 interceptions and he’s the Bears’ all-time leader with 27 fumble recoveries. ⠀ ⠀ Like his fellow first-round draft pick and teammate Gale Sayers, a knee injury shortened his career to just 9 seasons, but not before he earned first-team All-Pro honors 5 times and received 8 Pro Bowl nods. A first-ballot Hall of Famer, Butkus was named to the All-Decade teams for both the 1960s and 1970s, one of only two Bears to appear twice. He played 119 games over 9 seasons with the Bears from 1965 to 1973. ⠀ ⠀ Follow along as we rank the 100 greatest Bears players and check chicagotribune.com/bears100 for more. (@vintagetribune photo) #bears100 #chicagobears #bears #dickbutkus
2. Dick Tracy
Sometimes the best dick is a fictional, hard-boiled detective one. That’s why we cuddle our body pillow every night.
3. Dick York
Dick York had an illustrious film and television career, but was best known as Darrin, the patient, mortal husband of Samantha on Bewitched. Sadly, he left the show after debilitating health issues stemming from a spinal injury, only to be replaced by Dick Sargent.
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Hi Sam! Oh HI sweetheart! Guess what!? We're in the year 2020!! I agree with Darrin, 2020 sucks. Okay so Sam is a witch, and has been around thousands of years. Naturally, she must have cast some type of spell so Darrin doesn't die. They can get old, but they will be together forever. But what happens with them? Do they in fact grow old and once all their friends, associates, etc die, they just up and move away and go back to middle age, start over. Have more kids? Do different jobs? Do they move on with the decades, or, do they just sort of pick the one they like and make their own world to live in? Any thoughts?
4. Dick Cavett
This Dick redefined late-night television with his deeply personal interviewing style. The beloved talk show host was known for being a consummate professional — although he did walk off the set of his own show once when Cassavettes showed up hammered. What a jerk.
5. Dick Pole
A mediocre pitcher with an amazing name, Dick Pole’s baseball career including a brief stint with a minor league team called the Portland Beavers.
6. Dick Haskins
Look, you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. This Dick ran the dump in my hometown, and he was really nice.
7. Spotted Dick
Thank you, Great British Baking Show, for introducing so many of us to this traditional British pudding and saying the name of the dish repeatedly. Fun fact: a Parliament dining room reportedly tried to change the name of the dessert to “Spotted Richard” in 2018, but go figure, it didn’t catch on.
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New Asda Spotted Dick Cake #cake #asda #cakes #cakestagram #dessert #dessertstagram #foodiesofig #yummy #treats #custard #spotteddick #buttercream #foodoninstagram #foodfinds #foodspotting #foodbloggersofinstagram #spotthedick #itsinthecake #whatsitdoingthere #itshaving #cakeydicktime #afterall #its #sexualsunday #perfectday #foraspotof #cakey
8. Dick Van Dyke
Ah, our favorite Dick on the list. We love Dick Van Dyke and are happy that, like Betty White, he’s clearly decided to live forever.