Happy New Year! And, happy birthday, Capricorns! What’s in the stars for you this month? We asked Sean to analyze the alignment of the planets and come back to us with his predictions. Instead, he just created these funny horoscopes for January 2019.
Your January 2019 Horoscopes
2019 will be your year. Sure, we said that in 2018, but this year we really mean it.
Going back to work after a break can be hard. What is it you do exactly? Something with computers?
Honestly, I forgot to make one for you, Pisces. Ummmm… be bold at work or something. Yeah, that works.
You can be quite witty, Aries. You often know the perfect thing to say, but unfortunately, this month, you’ll be a day late in saying it.
Approach January like a bull. Get mad whenever anyone is wearing red. Or take the bull by the horns. Whichever feels most appropriate at the time.
The social sector of your chart is about to be illuminated. Expect to make many exciting connections. Your LinkedIn will never be the same.
It’s time for a change. Rearrange your furniture and see if that solves the problem.
As a Leo, you always make a bold first impression. This month that may not be a good thing.
The new year signals it’s time for a change. You didn’t listen to your friends, parents, or exes, but maybe a comedy horoscope will do the trick?
You’re ready to accomplish a goal you’ve had for a while now. Sit down and make some time to watch The Wire.
January can be a tough month. Don’t despair. There’s always wine.
Sagittarius season is over. We’ll call you if we need you.