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Home » Lifestyle » Entertainment

Your January Horoscopes Have Arrived!

By Sean Peecook | January 1, 2019 | Updated on December 21, 2020 | Leave a Comment
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Happy New Year! And, happy birthday, Capricorns! What’s in the stars for you this month? We asked Sean to analyze the alignment of the planets and come back to us with his predictions. Instead, he just created these funny horoscopes for January 2019.

Welp, cheers!

Funny Horoscopes - baby goat for Capricorn

Your January 2019 Horoscopes

Capricorn

2019 will be your year. Sure, we said that in 2018, but this year we really mean it.

 

Aquarius

Going back to work after a break can be hard. What is it you do exactly? Something with computers?

 

Pisces

Honestly, I forgot to make one for you, Pisces. Ummmm… be bold at work or something. Yeah, that works.

 

Aries

You can be quite witty, Aries. You often know the perfect thing to say, but unfortunately, this month, you’ll be a day late in saying it.

 

Taurus

Approach January like a bull. Get mad whenever anyone is wearing red. Or take the bull by the horns. Whichever feels most appropriate at the time.

 

Gemini

The social sector of your chart is about to be illuminated. Expect to make many exciting connections. Your LinkedIn will never be the same.

 

Cancer

It’s time for a change. Rearrange your furniture and see if that solves the problem.

 

Leo

As a Leo, you always make a bold first impression. This month that may not be a good thing.

 

Virgo

The new year signals it’s time for a change. You didn’t listen to your friends, parents, or exes, but maybe a comedy horoscope will do the trick?

 

Libra

You’re ready to accomplish a goal you’ve had for a while now. Sit down and make some time to watch The Wire.

 

Scorpio

January can be a tough month. Don’t despair. There’s always wine.

 

Sagittarius

Sagittarius season is over. We’ll call you if we need you.

  • Author
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Sean Peecook
Sean Peecook
Sean Peecook is a tall and silly copywriter and comedian from Chicago, Illinois. See him on the stage at Second City, or at the theater watching the next Paddington movie alone. You can find him on Twitter at @notgreganymore.
Sean Peecook
Latest posts by Sean Peecook (see all)
  • Your Horoscope for December - December 1, 2019
  • Your July 2019 Horoscopes Are Here! - July 1, 2019
  • Your June Horoscopes! - June 1, 2019
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186 shares