It’s Cancer horoscope season! We don’t know what that means, but we really hope it doesn’t mean everyone gets crabs. That would be unfortunate.
Enjoy reading this month’s funny horoscopes brought to you by our resident astrologist, Sean Peecook! Then, cool your nerves with a waffle ice cream sandwich.
Your Funny July 2019 Horoscopes
Things will go according to plan for you today. You need more ambitious plans.
There’s something on your mind that you’re not exactly sure how to express. Why doesn’t Paul Rudd seem to age?
Unexpected people may appear from your past. Things get weirder when you discover they’re also from the future.
You’ll briefly consider new ways of living when watching one of those Tiny Chef videos and order thousands of dollars in dollhouse furniture.
Don’t be upset if things don’t go as planned. Meet back at the safehouse and wait for further instructions.
Are you getting back what you’re giving in your relationships? Signup for Starbucks Rewards today.
People aren’t mind readers, which means nobody knows you have a secret collection of three hundred porcelain mugs… until now.
You’re never as alone as you think. Your FBI guardian angel is watching you at all times.
Remember, setbacks aren’t the end of the world. That’s not for another twenty years or so.
The rational half of your brain is going to take the month off. Seems a good time to check out our most wanted gift guide.
Romance can be hard when someone sees life through a different filter than you. Did you know some people have never seen Seinfeld?
Your spirit feels renewed and you’re ready to be productive. Just in time for Stranger Things to come out!
- Your Horoscope for December - December 1, 2019
- Your July 2019 Horoscopes Are Here! - July 1, 2019
- Your June Horoscopes! - June 1, 2019
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