While we were tempted to publish 25 more funny tweets about the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head last week during the VP debate… we don’t like things to be easy. Also, we’ve already got a whole collection of those. Instead, here are 25 funny tweets from women about everything from dating to that sexy Home Depot skeleton to Nic Cage’s glorious pink jacket.
25 Funny Tweets by Women
1. Hold up. Statues are sentient? This changes everything.
throw every christopher columbus statue in the ocean and let that dizzy bitch think he discovered atlantis
— ziwe (@ziwe) June 10, 2020
2. You got this, guys!
3. Long lost friend! Get in the cart. You can tell us who turned into a pillow later.
4. But actually…
I just saw someone refer to mansplaining as 'correctile dysfunction' so please excuse me while I laugh hysterically for 6 hours
— Anwen Kya 🏳️🌈🇪🇺🏴 (@Kyatic) October 3, 2020
5. :a small violin plays in the background for paragraph tweets:
6. We can delete it later! No, delete it now.
— HIBA (@iatemuggles) October 10, 2020
7. Straight, no chaser.
my 2020 character development: i've stopped adding coke to my rum and coke
— Kat Maddox (@ctrlshifti) September 30, 2020
8. There really should be more zoo puns.
9. That Chemical X really is something else.
When i am hanging out with two friends i think to myself. this is just like in powerpuff girls
— helena (@freshhel) October 9, 2020
10. Don’t give me the sad puppy eyes while we do this.
Me: awe I love my puppy soo much
Me, 2 mins later: *googles* how long before my puppy stops being an asshole
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) September 28, 2020
11. Maybe he could “discover” something else.*
12. The cabinets are next.
Every new twist of 2020 feels like the moment in Poltergeist when she turns around and all the chairs are stacked back up again.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 8, 2020
13. Mmmm delicious.
14. A little to the left?
15. So you’re saying we’re not alone?
So it turns out scallops swim as if propelled by farts pic.twitter.com/PHe6KxU4AH
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 8, 2020
16. Feels great!
[walking into a swarm of zombies] You know, we just have to learn to live with this. You can't live in fear of the- *gets immediately eaten*
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) October 7, 2020
17. Do not get any wild ideas! And keep your mask on!
18. :eyes narrow:
19. She’s got a point.
Bet we’d all own houses if we stopped eating so much avocado toast and committed more tax fraud.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 27, 2020
21. We had a whole party planned for this and everything!
Doesn’t roasting take care of that? I could also share my insta pot recipe.
— Bog Hag (@JesterOutWester) October 5, 2020
22. We love compliments.
me the next morning thinking about a not-even-weird thing i said when i was two wines in with close friends who have cherished me for years pic.twitter.com/w0jDt7nsHF
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) October 5, 2020
23. It’s a nice orchestra, really.
The best part about living in the city is that your neighbors coordinate to do their yard work at all different times.
— Let's Eat Cake (@letseatcakeblog) October 9, 2020
24. Nashville is starting to look nice this time of year.
25. We’re just gonna try it on and
I want to befriend Nic Cage just to borrow this jacket & never return it. https://t.co/8gLRJFAhSq
— holly jolly hell (@capricopernicus) October 9, 2020