Last week we had a president get Covid and go into the hospital, and, oh yeah, there was a presidential… debate?
On the brighter side, Marvel revealed that Iman Vellani will be starring as Ms. Marvel in the Disney+ show and the Halloween update brought pumpkins to Animal Crossing. And, now that you’re all caught up with the important news, here’s your weekly digest of funny tweets by women!
25 Funny Tweets by Women
1. At least once a day.
I wish I could say “???????” In real life, it would be very useful
— erica (@SimpinEgirl) September 8, 2020
2. :cringe:
Tonight's debate will be a simple contest of which 76-year-old can snort more adderall without going into cardiac arrest
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) September 29, 2020
3. Ideally, in a small cabin in Banff what
Where's the best place to watch the debate? Canada?
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 29, 2020
4. To be fair, it is still March.
So glad they’re masking up for that pandemic that started yesterday. https://t.co/cdmUUk3DnY
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 4, 2020
5. Ok, no one say it can’t get worse.
I bet someone tried to tell 2020 to calm down
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 17, 2020
6. 😐
Summer fun! 🏖️♥️. (*Private island all tested negative multiple times wear a mask ♥️) pic.twitter.com/6jxLBIMcoP
— allison (@allisongeroi) September 5, 2020
7. Best feeling in the world.
Sex is cool, but have you ever been running late and the person you’re meeting texts they’re running late?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 4, 2020
8. Send her in!
As a comedian/improviser, I volunteer to yell crazy shit at Joe Biden to help him prep for the next debate. I did improv with drunk dudes live onstage. I got this.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) September 30, 2020
9. Just mayo? Just mayo?!
Believe in that glow up sis. Always remember that garlic aioli was once just Mayo.
— Ali Lu (@alilucomedy) September 22, 2020
10. ???????
when I get notes on a project that I thought was finished https://t.co/7Aaie5JTj8
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 5, 2020
11. :sips Pumpkin Spice Latte:
my town after the Halloween update pic.twitter.com/ZT8kjZsi2Y
— lea (@cozyklee) October 4, 2020
12. Legit question.
Is mcdonalds gonna fix the ice cream machine at every location for this J Balvin meal 🧐
— Gianna Gelosi (@GiannaGelosi) October 5, 2020
13. At least he’s not a gemini.
I told my boyfriend (who's not into astrology) that he was a Pisces Mercury and he said "that sucks". When I asked why he just said "fish innit".
— moony (@caztrology) October 4, 2020
14. We didn’t realize this was an either or situation.
Officiant: do you take this man for richer or poorer?
Me: *haggles*— Chelsea Frank (@ChelseaSFrank) August 22, 2020
15. Oh back to the front page again. Cool.
A corn maze but inside you try to apply for unemployment.
— The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 (@blade_funner) October 4, 2020
16. No 11.5” skeletons.
“not looking for anything serious/ virgo / 12ft since i guess that matters on here lol” pic.twitter.com/fVv5mDUvLS
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) October 5, 2020
17. More like one minute.
Me two minutes into a 15 person zoom https://t.co/jCUwOpZfLG
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 5, 2020
18. u mad bro?
ah yes, the sixth stage of grief: wondering if people are mad at you about anything you said or did during the first five stages
— Nicole Chung (@nicolesjchung) October 4, 2020
19. You’d think they’d know that’s not how it works by now
Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020
20. Or all of them
a relationship should be 50/50. he gets fries for himself and I eat half of them
— jasmine rice 🍚 (@jasminericegirl) September 26, 2020
21. Let’s go!!!
If we all rush the border at once, Canada can’t stop all of us
— Brunette Bohemian (@RaeUvLite) October 4, 2020
22. Condolences.
The slogan for 7UP should be “Sorry you’re sick.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) September 30, 2020
23. Us every Monday
Whats going on with mycareer
— Cher (@cher) August 18, 2012
24. EVERYONE! VOTE!
He seems well, looking forward to today’s hospital discharge https://t.co/r2jlBcYKeC
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 5, 2020
25. The cat‘s true form has been revealed.
Took a pic of the cat lookin out the window and accidentally turned him into some sort of god. pic.twitter.com/xjN4W6peSJ
— Amanda (@amandahys7) October 1, 2020
I've written or worked for a wide range of lifestyle sites and magazines, including Billboard, Nylon, Parade, Men's Journal, Us Weekly, Stuff, Blender, Beachbody, Alternative Press, Electronic Gaming Monthly, and more. See more on my LinkedIn.
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