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Home » Lifestyle » Entertainment

30 Hilarious Tweets To Read While You’re Bored At Work

By Mac McCann | June 26, 2019 | Updated on September 23, 2020 | Leave a Comment
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Hilarious Tweets to Read When Bored at Work

Everybody loves jokes. Work? Not so much. It’s always interfering with your time looking at memes. So take a bathroom break, pull this up on your phone, and check out these hilarious tweets.

This week, our list of funny tweets covers toasters, food delivery, family (or lack thereof), hell, heaven, and just about everything in between! Enjoy!
Hilarious Tweets to Read When Bored at Work

30 Hilarious Tweets That Will Help You Get Through the Week

1. Focus on what really matters.

[at dinner]

Her: how bout we take this back to my place

Me: you mean like you want a to go box

— John Kennedy (@FrazzleMyGimp) June 8, 2019


 
2. Do toasters really deserve that much power?

[inventing the toaster]

engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4

chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) November 26, 2018


 
3. Our better judgment says 1, but our heart says 2.

It's crab season. Choose your fighter. pic.twitter.com/mhcRGbvRpC

— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) June 21, 2019


 
4. We’ve all been there : \

me: if you break something then try to put it back together, you might find the pieces don't fit the same

customer: can you break this dollar or not man

me: i just want her back

customer: and i just want change

me: u sound just like her

— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) June 18, 2019


 
5. Adjusting to adulthood is rough.

I’m still alive but I’m barely yeeting

— jay (@userjaymes) June 12, 2019


 
6. NSFW

might f-bomb around and friggin cuss frick’n weird

— Katrina 🌹 Nobody (@EyeSeeYou619) June 13, 2019


 
7. The cutest knock knock joke.

We got a doorbell for our dogs to let us know when they want to go outside…this may have been a big mistake.😂😂 pic.twitter.com/swRaC30UXU

— Taylor Harrison (@TaytaynmTaylor) June 12, 2019


 
8. Including this one just so we can feel better about ourselves.

I actually think it’s very healthy that I‘m on the internet every second of my life

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) June 13, 2019


 
9. New Tinder bio.

telling people you’re single:
• “you’ll find someone”
• “have you tried tinder”

saying “many have tried to date me and all have failed”:
• mystical
• empowering
• sword-in-the-stone vibes

— The Library Owl 🎄🎅🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) June 11, 2019


 
10. Your don’t need this type of negativity in your life.

Doctor: You’re 30lbs overweight

Me: A lot of that’s water weight

Doctor: And you’re severely dehydrated

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) June 14, 2019


 
11. WHY DID THEY LIE TO US?

getting forcibly removed from this TJ Maxx over an innocent miscommunication pic.twitter.com/KqjgVLd7q9

— Skoog (@Skoog) June 13, 2019


 
12. Facebook: Instant ego boost.

*sees somebody on twitter who is more successful than me*

I gotta get off this website

*switches to Instagram and sees someone hotter than me*

Man, fuck this app

*goes on Facebook and sees a guy I went to middle school with is in jail for murder*

There we go

— Samantha Ruddy 👩‍🍳 (@samlymatters) June 13, 2019


 
13. Definitely not a robot.

Whenever websites challenge me if I’m human or not, I scream “CAPTCHA ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOUT DAT?!?!”

— 𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 (@callmeEvian) June 14, 2019


 
14. Priorities.

the tv: 120 seconds until the nuke lands and ends us all

kids: oh no

wife: oh no

parents: oh no

me: *reading bagel bites package says to cook for 3 minutes* oh no NO NO

— Jeb 🇨🇦 (@LlamaInaTux) June 15, 2019


 
15. What friends are for.

murderer: oh no i forgot my weapon 🙁

aragorn: you have my sword

legolas: and you have my bow

gimli: and my axe

murderer: omg *tearing up* you guys :')

— Kayleecious🍧 (@TweetsByKaylee) June 17, 2019


 
16. Can’t get enough of ‘em.

Me leaving Cafe Du Monde after one beignet pic.twitter.com/hydIJQpOpL

— Souf Sil Fa Lil 🏁 (@Nictheegr8) June 16, 2019


 
17. The classic design.

Me: MY VAN IS MISSING!

911: Description?

Me: Size 13, left, checkered

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) June 18, 2019


 
18. FINALLY, GRAMPS!

me: son, this gold watch used to belong to your grandfather, but now it's yours

son: *eyes filling with tears* g-grandpa died?

me: haha no buddy, no *pats him on the head* that bitch owed me money

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) June 18, 2019


 
19. So snatched tho.

[being murdered]

me: hey

murderer: what

me: i do CrossFit

[later]

detective: it's like the killer vomited while stabbing him

— 👽 (@clichedout) June 15, 2019


 
20. Oh, is that not what it means?

[1st boxing match]
Coach: What are you gonna do in there?
Me: Keep moving & protect my head.
Coach: What aren't you gonna do in there?
Me: Tell the ref I'm ready to get fisted.

— Slam Squat-Thrust (@Gre_Gone) June 18, 2019


 
21. Too soon.

A pack of llamas is called a cria.
A pack of camels is why your dad left.

— .Mela. (@mela_shea) June 16, 2019


 
22. JUST BRING ME THE TACOS!

Sometimes you have to write through the pain pic.twitter.com/OILnN236c8

— Mac Faulkner (@macfaulkner) June 16, 2019


 
23. Asking the important questions.

How small of a town can it really be if she can take a midnight train that goes anywhere?

— Joke Farmer (@KurtBeardger) May 30, 2018


 
24. Honestly, we totally get it.

[the rapture]

Jesus: why should i save you

Me: you can leave me but please take my cat, she’s the most important thing in the world to me & she deserves to be saved

Jesus: aww you’ll both join me

Boyfriend: what about me?

Me to Jesus: *shakes head no*

Jesus: heaven’s full

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) June 15, 2019


 
25. We smell a conspiracy.

Very suspicious that this keeps happening pic.twitter.com/ECEussEEoa

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 14, 2019


 
26. Our real name is Inigo Montoya.

interviewer: you have a 3 year gap on your resume that just says “vengeance”

me:

interviewer:

me: you don’t remember me do you?

— Conajam (@conajam) June 14, 2019


 
27. AWKWARD.

*in hell*

satan: dude you gotta stop following me around

me: I don't know anyone else here I feel awkward

— Danya (@dxxnya) December 4, 2018


 
28. The horror.

Y’all don’t know what it was like before memes. One joke from Billy Madison had to last you like 5 years

— LxDx (@wokestbloke) June 18, 2019


 
29. It sounded great at the time, we swear!

Me drafting tweets when i’m drunk: this is hilarious!

Me reading drafts when i’m sober: potango: a love story of a potato and a mango

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) June 19, 2019


 
30. Ducking hilarious.

duck: [sees my bread] i lust for crust

me: no

duck: c'mon that dough make me go oh

me: it'll make you sick

duck: i am a beast for the yeast baby

— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) June 12, 2019

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  • Author
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Mac McCann
Mac McCann
I’m Mac McCann, a social media expert and writer based in Austin, Texas.

I can be found on Twitter at @macmccanntx or at my site, Mac McCann.

I’ve written hundreds of articles on a wide variety of topics. My work has been published in more than a dozen publications, including The Dallas Morning News, The Chicago Tribune, Newsday, The Houston Chronicle, The Seattle Times, Complex, The Charlotte Observer, Sun-Sentinel, The Austin American-Statesman, Reason, Austin Chronicle, Hawaii Tribune-Herald, Dallas Observer, OC Weekly, The La Crosse Tribune, The Intelligencer, The South Bend Tribune, Phoenix New Times, and more.
Mac McCann
Latest posts by Mac McCann (see all)
  • 25 Times @FeelingEuphoric’s Tweets Cracked Us Up - October 6, 2020
  • 25 Surprised Pikachu Memes That Are Shockingly Hilarious  - November 13, 2019
  • 25 Fake Nancy Drew Book Covers That Are Even Better Than the Originals - October 8, 2019
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