Lobsters are unruly demons created by God with actual weapons for hands that you have to boil alive if you want to eat them.
TBH, that sounds pretty ghastly. Both for you and the lobster.
But, supposedly, hypnotizing a lobster before you boil it alive makes the process less painful. (For you.) Or, hey, skip the boiling, follow the directions below to get it to stand on its head, learn all its deep dark secrets, and release it back into the wild.
How to Hypnotize a Lobster
- A Gentle Caress
Place the crustacean stomach down and get a firm but gentle hold on his backside. Run your finger up and down between his eyes, up to the crest of his “head.” and back down. After 10-15 strokes, he’ll begin to relax. - Upside Down
Gently place the lobster on its face, so it’s looking down on the cutting board like us trying to read literally anything without our contacts. Try to get the tail as upright as possible, and keep it balanced with a free hand. This upside-down position will drain all the juices into his head, calm him down, and hypnotize him into relaxation. We know what you’re thinking. No, Barb isn’t coming back. - Know When to Fold ‘Em
Using the other hand, fold his claws in front of him against the board where his chin would be. If he actually has a chin this large, he’s Jay Leno not a lobster and you should stop trying to hypnotize him immediately.The crossed claws will help him balance, and create a three-point stance for him to rest. Think of an NFL official calling a delay of game penalty, only upside down on his face. - Let It Go
After a good 15 seconds, the lobster should be fully relaxed, and you can let go. The tail will fall forward or backward (either is fine), and it should be able to fully balance on its own, alive, yet completely sedated and relaxed.
How To Boil A Lobster
So, you’ve learned how to hypnotize a lobster. Now what? If you want to take it from headstand to dinner plate? Here’s how to boil and cook a lobster properly.
First, you want a pot with lots of room for the little guy. Usually a 19-quart pot is good for a five- to six-pound lobster. Just make sure the lobsters aren’t crowded in there, so that it will be cooked on all sides by the boiling water.
Then, fill the pot approximately two-thirds full with water, add 1-2 tbsp salt and bring it to a rolling boil over high heat. Gently place the lobsters in and place a lid on the pot, and cook the lobster until it’s bright red and has an internal temperature of 135-150° F.
Rumor is that the antennae come off much easier when they are thoroughly cooked, but we recommend you keep an eye on the tail. When they’re cooked, the tails tend to curl up.
To remove them from hot water, use some tongs or your little brother’s hand to reach in and fetch them out.
How Long Should You Boil a Lobster?
It all depends on their size. Here’s how long to let them take a dip:
- 1 pound: 5-7 minutes
- 1¼ pounds: 7-8 minutes
- 1½ pounds: 8-10 minutes
- 2 pounds: 10-12 minutes
- 3 pounds: 12-14 minutes
- 5-6 pounds: 18-20 minutes
How to Boil a Lobster
Print Recipe
Ingredients
- live lobsters
- water
- 1 Tbsp. salt
Instructions
- Fill the pot two-thirds full with water.
- Add 1-2 tbsp salt and bring the water to a rolling boil over high heat.
- Gently place the lobsters in the pot and cover with a lid.
- Cook the lobsters until they are bright red and has an internal temperature of 135-150° F. See notes for cooking time recommendations.
- Remove from hot water using tongs.
Notes
- 1 pound: 5-7 minutes
- 1¼ pounds: 7-8 minutes
- 1½ pounds: 8-10 minutes
- 2 pounds: 10-12 minutes
- 3 pounds: 12-14 minutes
- 5-6 pounds: 18-20 minutes
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- How To Hypnotize a Lobster So It Stands on Its Head - July 19, 2019
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