The 2021 Goop Guide has arrived, and it delivers on being the most “WTF” collection of gift ideas you’ll likely find this year. Titles like “The Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide” lead me to believe they’re in on the joke.
Who wants the same boring old stocking stuffers when you could opt for something truly iconic, like the ever-practical $10,500 Chanel sled? Or, why go to Michael’s when you could turn yourself into a sexy bow for $90?
Whether you want to peep this round up for a few LOLs, or are looking to be inspired for weird sh*t to gift your loved ones, here’s our favorite and craziest Goop recommendations of 2021.
The Funniest Things In 2021’s Goop Gift Guide
1. Awakening the Pleasure Body Online Course, $399
We love this virtual, six month module-based self-study program on personal sensuality that says, “you’re absolutely terrible in bed and I’ve had it.” Subtle. Real subtle.
Available at Michaela Boehm.
2. Pearl Ear Seed Kit, $45
Acupuncture is a wonderful ancient Chinese medical practice. But this acupuncture-inspired kit of “ear seeds,” (AKA tiny, twenty-four-karat gold-plated seeds that you place on your inner ear pressure points), turns your ears into True Religion jeans.
Available at Goop.
3. This Smells Like My Vagina Candle, $75
Goop calls this vagina candle “a funny, beautifully unexpected scent.” Because that’s just what I want from my candle: to make my entire house smell like a brothel.
Available at Goop.
4. Passe-Passe Weekly Baby Socks, $240
It’s not just the price tag for baby socks that offends me. It’s that some baby out there is going to own Hermès before I do.
Available at Hermes.
5. The Oshēn’s Twelve, $108
I guess omega-3s are the new black. Call me old fashioned, but in my day we sent our friends a 12 pack of beer, not a 12 pack of frozen salmon.
Available at Oshen.
6. Psychic School with Deganit Nuur, $33.33 and up
Nothing says “holiday spirit” like gifting your loved one a psychic training and “journey to lightness” course. Be honest, the only reason to turn your bestie into a psychic is to find out if Chris from accounting is ever gonna ask you out.
Available at Nuurvana.
7. Omakase Berry, $50
Wanna spend $50 on 11 strawberries that are grown in a vertical farm by bees and AI robots? Wanna also throw us $50 on Venmo? Cool.
Available at Oishii.
8. 18-Karat Yellow-Gold River Bracelet with Diamond Link, $25,700
I’m living for this eighteen-karat yellow-gold wide-link chain with a diamond encrusted link that Goop suggests “forwarding to your significant other” for gift ideas. No, babe, we’re not joking.
Available at Goop.
9. Airplane Seat Cover, $59
Can you imagine being so cringe you’re going to bring your own airplane seat cover? I get that we’re all freaked out by germs, but you do not wanna be that person who’s holding up the onboarding process because you need to feng shui Alaska Airlines.
Available at Goop.
10. Bubble Gum Gym, $55,000
For the practical price of $55,000, you can turn your baby into a CrossFit kid. The Bubble Gum Gym is inspired by traditional outdoor playgrounds, but only if you have, as Goop says, “Rich Mom Energy.” Are we surprised? Not even a little.
Available at Circu.
Chelsea has traveled to over 50 countries and has had every major third-world disease (but like, in a hot way). Follow her on Instagram and Twitter!
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