These Hilarious Halloween Puns Will Scare You Silly

By the time October rolls around, every grocery store aisle is bookended with huge bags of candy. Costume coordination becomes a standard topic of conversation, and…hey when did that Spirit Halloween show up? But out of all of those things, we know that the real treat of the season is the Halloween puns and jokes.

For this horror-filled holiday, we’re leaning less into what’s scary, and more into silly humor. After all, jokes are allergen-friendly, they don’t melt in your pocket, won’t give you cavities, and are a whopping zero dollars.

Sure, slinging jokes to trick-or-treaters might have them egging your house for years to come. But who doesn’t love a good post-Halloween omelet?

For those in the mood for a Hocus Pocus Joke-us, we’ve put together more than 60 Halloween puns that’ll make you the comedic equivalent of the house with the king-sized candy bars.

67 Halloween Puns

• You’re looking brew-tiful tonight!
• Just creepin’ it real this Halloween.
• Aren’t these pumpkins gourd-geous?
• You can’t always get what you wand.
• I’m not playing Twix when I say I love this holiday.
• Zombies say that Halloween the best thing since sliced head.

• What do you say when a vampire leaves? So long, sucker.
• Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
• Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern.
• My costume is eerie-sistible.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-scream.
• Halloween has us goblin’ candy all night.
• Witch way to the pumpkin patch?

• What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
• Grab your broomstick so we can make a clean getaway.
• These jokes will have you laughing ’til you’re coffin.
• I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that witch.
• Bugs and hisses.
• You can’t skele-run from these skele-puns.
• This Halloween, we’re dying to have fun.

• No body won the skeleton race.
• Have a fang-tastic Halloween.
• Great party; you’re the ghostess with the mostest.
• Ghouls just want to have fun.
• BYOB = Bring Your Own Boos.
• Squash goals.

• Shake your boo-ty!
• If you’ve got it, haunt it.
• Where do ghosts go shopping? A boo-tique!
• Hope your Halloween is hex-tra special.
• Romeo and Ghouliet.
• Boo-yah!
• Ghosts, fasten your sheet belts!

• We know some vampire puns, but they all suck.
• Be-witcha in a second!
• I did some exorcise to prepare for all this candy.
• I think I have deja-boo.
• What’s the best place to hide from ghosts? The living room.
• Vampires are a pain in the neck.
• What’s a math teacher’s favorite Halloween treat? Pumpkin pi.

• I hope these Halloween puns don’t drive you batty.
• Wicked awesome.
• Halloween makes me so (candy) corny.
• Vampires are always looking for their necks victim.
• I’ve been so bored these past few weeks, so this Halloween is really a breath of fresh scare.
• Fright for the right to party.
• #Squadghouls

• Join my fang club!
• Vampires hate peaches, but they love neck-tarines.
• Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
• You can Count on Dracula.
• I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume. I want people to know I have guts.
• It feels a lot like Howl-oween!
• What do you say to your ghost friend? Hey boo, let’s get sheet-faced.

• Tricks or it didn’t happen.
• Time to get this party startled!
• I can’t Reese-ist a good Halloween pun.
• It’s easy to repair a broken jack-o’-lantern: Just use a pumpkin patch!
• Carving out some time for Halloween fun.
• Slipped on a pumpkin today. It caught me off gourd.
• Mummy of the year.

• Welcome to the pun-kin patch!
• You don’t know jack-o’-lantern.
• I won’t let you slip through my Butter Fingers.
• Waaay ahead of the carve!
• I will gourd my candy with my life!
• My costume really struck a gourd with me this year.
• Life’s a witch, and then you fly.

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Hebba Gouda

Hebba is a New Jersey born, Minnesota educated brunch enthusiast who is strongly in favor of the Oxford comma. She likes nostalgic songs, jigsaw puzzles, and middle brownie pieces. She dislikes humidity, sports, and sports in humidity. She uses her background in science and creative writing as part of the team behind the podcast Two What's?! and a Wow! You can find her being silly on Twitter and serious on LinkedIn.

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