If chains and whips excite you, you and Rihanna are not alone. Kinky sex can fun! It can also be a little intimidating if you think you need to jump right into Fifty Shades of Grey-level antics. (If a first-time lover approaches you with a BDSM contract, please run to the nearest exit).
But there are simple steps you to add a little kink to your sex life without needing an entire red room of equipment. We’ve put together a list of kinky sex ideas and tips for you to try. But, first, let’s start with some basics.
What Is Kinky Sex?
“Kinky sex is typically defined as sex that involves acts that fall outside of what’s considered ‘conventional,’” says Tara Struyk, co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly.com. “Kinky” describes any sex that’s outside “the norm”–even though we know there’s no such thing as “normal”.
“Learn all you can, start slow, find respectful partners, and decide and stick to your boundaries,” explains Struyk. “If you are able to explore things in a way that is safe, consensual, and keeps you feeling comfortable and excited, you are likely to have the best outcome.”
What Does Kinky Sex Include?
- BDSM: bondage, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism
- Fetishes like feet, latex, and leather
- Role playing, especially power exchanges such as professor and student or doctor and patient
- Accessories like bondage equipment, collars, or cock rings
- Sensation and pain play such as spanking, biting, and hair pulling
- Group sex and exhibitionism
15 Kinky Sex Ideas
1. Communicate Communicate Communicate!
The first ingredient to successful kinky sex is communication. You don’t want to just whip out the cat-o-nine tails without warning. The kinky community uses “safe, sane, and consensual” as their guiding principles. So should you.
You may want to create a safe word that will stop the scene, especially if you’ll be role playing a situation where you’ll be saying “no” as part of the act. “Red for stop, yellow for slow down, green for go” is a popular option, but it can be anything that will immediately hit the breaks on sex… maybe “Mike Pence.”
2. Use a Blindfold
Once the blindfold is on, experiment with different sensations like tickling, kissing, and biting. Or try a naked game of pin the tail on the donkey.
3. Talk Dirty
Sharing your fantasies can be intimidating, so try talking the talk before you walk the walk. Describe a kinky scenario you’ve been dreaming about. Even if you never want to do it IRL, dirty talk can be just as sexy. Sometimes it’s even hotter than the real thing!
4. Buy Bondage Equipment
Using handcuffs can be safer than trying to tie your partner up in knots. Scarves and belts seem easy, but using improper equipment can cause pinching and tugging — and not the good kind. Visit your friendly woman-owned sex shop for recommendations. Or, if you really want to get into knots, pick up a book on Shibari.
5. Try Spanking
Start with a light smack on the cheek (after asking consent) to test out your partner’s pain threshold. Experiment with spanking the same spot over and over and moving your hand around to different spots. Hope you have a standing desk for the day after.
6. Watch Porn Together
Share a favorite porn video with each other to learn more about what turns the other on. Don’t feel pressured to try what you see at home, just enjoy it. Maybe you’ll find new sex positions to try, or maybe you’ll just have fun watching the Olympic-level gymnastics of professional porn stars. 10/10 for the dismount!
7. Wear a Costume
Get in character for your role play scenario by wearing a costume or wig. After -Halloween is the perfect time to get costumes on clearance, though maybe steer clear of the Joe Exotic wig.
8. Get a Wax Candle
Don’t go wild in the Yankee Candle store. Get a specialty massage wax that’s safe for your skin while still getting hot enough to give some sexy heat. Make sure you blow the candle out before you start pouring–sheets on fire is the wrong kind of heat.
9. Get a Crop or Whip
Riding crops or whips basically just make spanking less physically taxing. (Belts can actually be harder to control the level of pain, so it’s not recommended for beginners.) Some crops or whips come with different textured ends so you can use it for pain or softer, more annoying sensations like tickling. Make sure you ask for consent before using it.
10. Pull Their Hair
Start gentle with a handful of hair. The more hair you grab, the less likely it is you’ll pull out individual strands. You want it to be a tug, not a tweezing; your partner shouldn’t need Rogaine after.
11. Hold Back Their Orgasm
Take control over your partner’s orgasm. Tease them right to the edge and then lighten up the pressure. The longer you take to get them there, the bigger the payoff.
12. Make a Movie
Film your own porn video to enjoy later, or to just enjoy the filmmaking process. Just make sure your phone isn’t backing up to the family iCloud account. You don’t want your mom stumbling on it when she’s trying to show her friends the photos of her fall foliage trip.
13. Experiment With Textures
Tease your partner with different textured items like a leather belt, latex gloves, and velvet scarves, preferably while they’re blindfolded. The different sensations will keep their body on high alert, and maybe you’ll uncover a new fetish.
Use a Remote Control Sex Toy
Get a vibrator or butt plug for your partner that has a remote and take control. They get an orgasm with a side of power play, and you get something fun to click instead of the Roku remote.
15. Open the Windows
Put on a show by pulling back the curtains or cracking open the window in your bedroom. The chance that someone will see or hear you will give you a exhibitionist thrill. Plus, the fresh air and sunlight will be good for you after a whole day in the bedroom.
In her free time, she enjoys volunteering for reproductive justice causes, dropping that she worked at Walt Disney World into every conversation, and using her Wedding and Events Planner certification to throw Survivor watch parties. See more of her work on her website or follow her on Twitter @maddihiggs.
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