50 Funny Thanksgiving Jokes and One-Liners

Do you have any good Thanksgiving jokes in your line-up? We just finished off the Halloween candy while listening to our Christmas playlist, so we get the desire to skip the turkey trot and jump directly to those winter wonderland vibes. Literally, we’ll do anything to get out of running.

But, these jokes prove that maybe you should hold up on dragging out those Christmas decorations just yet. Because, excuse us, but pie?!

There are gonna be a lot of topics to skillfully avoid this year so having this handy list of one-liners and funny Thanksgiving jokes will leave you feeling prepared to dodge all of Grandma Ruth’s questions. And that one weird uncle who can’t figure out how to make the Zoom work.

Turkey Jokes

What kind of key can’t open doors? A tur-key.
What’s the best song to sing when preparing your turkey? “All About That Baste.”
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes … but I told them I couldn’t quit “cold turkey.”
Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks!
What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!
What’s something usually insulting but not on Thanksgiving? A family member giving you the bird.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist!
Why was the turkey put in jail? They suspected fowl play.
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn’t just quit “cold turkey.”
What do you call a turkey’s evil twin? A Gobblegänger.
Why didn’t the turkey finish his Christmas dinner? He was stuffed.
What is the turkey thankful for this Thanksgiving? Vegetarians.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe? Copy and basting
What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey? A Witch-bone
Butterballin’ on a budget.
Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? A poul-tree.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey? Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner? It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

Thanksgiving Food Jokes

Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes? Squash casserole.
What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving? I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.
What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.
What are unhappy cranberries called? Blueberries!
Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
My least favorite Thanksgiving leftovers are the relatives who don’t leave until Monday.

Pumpkin Pie Jokes

What does a pumpkin pie say after a big meal? That was filling.
What’s the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin? Broomstick pie tastes gross.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.

Thanksgiving Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Tamara. Tamara who? Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip a big plate and dig in!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?

Pilgrim Jokes

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock.
What did pilgrims use to bake cookies? May-Flour!
What does a Pilgrim call his best friend? A palgrim.
Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? Plymouth.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain? Pil-grimace.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand? On their feet.

Thanksgiving Holiday Jokes

Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary.
Why do shoppers feel like cranberry sauce on Black Friday? They get bruised, battered, and squished into pulp trying to get to the bargain bin.
What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween? Gobble-ins!
What do you wear to Thanksgiving? A Har-vest.
What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common? They
know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed!
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The g.

Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines (Probably) Not Safe for the Family Dinner Table

The food isn’t the only thing that’s going to make you want to loosen your belt.
I’ll give you something to be thankful for.
Good thing I wore my oven mitts, because you’re too hot to handle.
Is that a pop-up timer, or are you just happy to see me?
I only have pies for you.
Hey, I just met you, and this is gravy, but here’s my stuffing, so carve me maybe.
Yes, you can butter my biscuit.
Talk turkey to me.

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Ashley Hubbard

Ashley Hubbard is a vegan travel writer and photographer. She travels the world showcasing the best responsible methods of travel on her blog, Wild Hearted. When she is not traveling or writing, Ashley can be found hiking, exploring the corners of Nashville, or buying yet another houseplant. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter!

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