The Internet can lead you to some scary places. First you’re looking at Oreo flavors, and next you’re looking at Cookie Monster erotica. But sometimes these Internet adventures take a surprising turn, as you go from watching a smoking hot guy chopping wood, to having your mind blown with profound life advice.
This sexy lumberjack isn’t some made up example. We’re specifically talking about Thoren “Thor” Bradley. The Northern Californian’s videos of him demolishing large chunks of wood have gone viral on TikTok and Instagram. And not just because people are interested in how firewood gets made.
We honestly can’t do this justice with words.
We’re pretty sure Google would ding our website if we started writing down our stream of consciousness while watching these videos. But Thoren, you can chop our wood any day, any time.
You could send us a text at 2am and we sprint faster than Sha’Carri Richardson to get suffocated by those big arms. You could wrap those calloused hands around our…yeah okay we gotta stop it here.
But let’s not reduce our future baby daddy to just his looks. He’s an entrepreneur with his own fitness app and a way with words.
Although his hands are rough and toughened, his writing is smooth and poetic. He has inspiring fitness mantras, tips to live your happiest life, and advice on how to build meaningful relationships in the world. No, really. Read his captions.
He’s clearly got brains and brawn. And we’ve got a hoard of butterflies in our stomach. Or some other feeling.
So at a time where a writer is at a loss for words, we’ll let Thoren take it from here with his best tweets and many, many, many photos. Sure, these technically are safe for work. But do yourself a favor and enjoy them…somewhere else.
Life Lessons From a Hot Guy Who Splits Wood: The Best of Thoren Bradley
1. Of course we’re looking at his eyes.
2. We can bet he’s not into things that are vanilla.
Stop matching energy, that way leads to a lot of vanilla interaction. Bring the fucking heat, the ones who can’t keep up…they’ll let you know, and you’ll never have to wonder if it was you.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) February 7, 2022
3. We never knew we were attracted to armpits until now.
4. We’re positive this relationship is for the better.
By definition, a parasite and it’s host have a relationship. So this is a reminder, the sole pursuit of the longevity of a relationship is not the goal. Lots of horrible things last. Make sure it’s actually for better.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) December 23, 2021
5. Can every day be hump day?
6. Oh we’re enjoying this Monday, alright.
At some point. We’re going to have to fucking figure out, it’s not all about making it through another Monday. It’s about enjoying another Monday. And until we collectively get there, it will remain an uphill battle.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) December 17, 2021
7. Yep. That view will do, too.
8. Did you say role playing?
It’s ok to eat vegan most of the time and also eat eggs. It’s ok to agree with a concept from a political party you don’t identify with. Some of y’all have really polarized the human right out of your soul, all for the sake of playing a role. A role for a movie nobody is watching
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) November 18, 2021
9. Um.
10. Um, Part 2.
11. It’s safe to say Thoren knows how to make a lasting impression.
Build a Six pack, best personality, glowing skin with a great sense of humor. You’ll still be quite easy to replace. We all are. It’s only your presence.. burnt into somebody’s lasting thoughts that’ll hold up as irreplaceable. Sooo…You’re going to have to show up for that.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) April 5, 2021
12. Cause of death: that smirk.
13. Doing more work with one tweet than five years of therapy.
You may be scared to open up, I get it. But if you continue to hide bits of yourself in fear of getting hurt. You’ll live surrounded by relationships that don’t reflect the YOU part.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) September 20, 2021
14. That transition though…
15. Petition to change official the spelling of “juicy” to “joocy.”
If your transformation pic shows you with a newly formed joocy butt…but you didn’t spend any time working on your spirit or assessing your emotional needs. Honestly, you may have the before and after pictures backwards.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) February 25, 2021
16. Done, dead, and melted into the bed.
THE CHOPPING WOOD GUY TOO?! no i’m done bro. pic.twitter.com/2F2mSHVvtZ
— ✧ sam ✧ ❹❹❹ | first class (@babyxsam) April 6, 2022
17. Get yourself a man who hates plans as much as you.
Remember. Not wanting to do something IS your reason for not doing something. Deeper explanation is simply a courtesy.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) August 1, 2021
18. From the woods to the beach, he can do no wrong. Unless, like…he wants to?
19. Why are we crying at the vibrator store right now?
How about this? Forgiveness. But like, on your own timeline. Try that. Their hasty and poor decision making, doesn’t require you to go through your own process faster. Breathe your way through it.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) March 26, 2021
20. We can literally see the snow melting from all the heat in this photo.
21. You need bricks? We’ve got bricks.
Saying something and having something to say…are both very different things. Look for more people who are interested in adding more bricks to their foundation of knowledge….versus the people who want to continuously throw their only brick through the windows of others.
— Thoren Bradley (@ThorenBradley) July 2, 2021
22. The view that will get us through the day.
23. We officially have a thing for lumberjacks.
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