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Home » Food + Drink » Food News and Trends

The 14 Hottest Food Mascots That Are, Themselves, a Snack 

By Hebba Gouda | January 25, 2023 | Leave a Comment
This post may contain affiliate links that we collect a share of sales from. Click here for more details.
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Hottest Food Mascots - Kool-Aid Man
Hottest Food Mascots - Miss Chiquita Banana
Hottest Food Mascots - Jolly Green Giant
Hottest Food Mascots - KFC Colonel Sanders
Hottest Food Mascots - Burger King

For anyone that’s missed the events of the past few days, the candy company Mars has been cruelly, mercilessly attacking Tucker Carlson by creating mascots that don’t actively comply with Carlson’s God-given right and all-consuming desire to…bone an anthropomorphic candy? Wait, what?

Conservative pundits have put M&Ms under fire, in the past complaining about the green M&M becoming “less sexy” when she swapped out her go-go boots for sensible sneakers. Comfort? Instead of sex appeal? This is unacceptable. Apparently.

In response, Mars decided to indefinitely suspend all of the spokescandies and replace them with the brilliant Maya Rudolph.

But, for anyone that’s wondering where, oh where, they will get their dose of f–kable cartoon food mascots, don’t worry. In no particular order, we’ve taken inspiration from Morning Brew’s Macy Gilliam and rounded up some of our favorites. Who’d we miss?

Hottest Food Mascots

 

The Sexiest Food Mascots

1. Mr. Peanut

Top hat? Gloves? Monocle? The ability to end people? Find us a mascot more like James Bond. We’ll wait.
Hottest Food Mascots - Mr. Peanut

 

2. Colonel Sanders

It might be because he’s managed to keep that spice blend secret all these years. What can we say? We love a zaddy of mystery.
Hottest Food Mascots - KFC Colonel Sanders

 

3. Buzz

Look at the way Buzz wields his sticky staff. Sex is good but changing boring oat rings into a delicious, crunchy, sweet treat? Even better.
Hottest Food Mascots - Buzz

 

4. Cap’n Crunch

We’ve already spent many nights in bed with Cap’n Crunch, all the times we’ve taken the whole box to our rooms to eat by the dry fistful. But c’mon.

A silver fox with baby blues that is a powerhouse of the food world? It’s like if Paul Hollywood learned how to smile.
Hottest Food Mascots - Cap'n Crunch

 

5. Miss Chiquita

The “First Lady of Fruit” has still got it going on. Plus, potassium is sexy.

Hottest Food Mascots - Miss Chiquita Banana
Photo Credit: 1984 Chiquita Banana album cover

 

6. The Jolly Green Giant

If Adam wore leaves half as well as this guy does, we cannot blame Eve.

We like to imagine those sculpted shoulders and toned forearms cracking open a can of creamed uh, corn. Definitely corn.
Hottest Food Mascots - Jolly Green Giant

 

7. Chester the Cheetah

Cheetos‘ mascot Chester the Cheetah is the guy your parents warned you about, and the one you couldn’t stay away from. He’s the sk8r boi who probably wouldn’t have minded using a dangling preposition.

Or getting cheese dust over… everything. Swoon, so dangerous.
Hottest Food Mascots - Cheetos Chester the Cheetah

 

8. Mr. Owl

It’s ironic that he’s depicted as one dimensional when clearly he’s a learned, deep intellectual. He’s helping us get to the core of a Tootsie Pop, but we want to know how to get to the core of him.
Hottest Food Mascots - Toostie Pop Owl

 

9. Kool-Aid Man

Talk about an intense lovemaking session. What’s a few walls as collateral damage?
Hottest Food Mascots - Kool-Aid Man

 

10. Hamburglar

Ronald is creepy, but this guy can steal our heart any day. Paws off the burger, though. Some things we don’t want to share.
Hottest Food Mascots - Hamburglar

 

11. The Burger King

We’re not gold-diggers, but we’re also not about to turn down a king. Especially one that has managed to perfect fast food and grooming. We love a multi-talented mascot.
Hottest Food Mascots - Burger King

 

12. Vlasic Stork

A stork that’s a mascot for pickles? It might be a brilliant marketing ploy to appeal to ticking biological clocks. Either way, the stork could get it.
Hottest Food Mascots - Vlasic Pickle Stork

 

13. Pillsbury Doughboy

Talk about a dad bod. 10/10.
Hottest Food Mascots - Pillsbury Doughboy

14. The Pringles Guy

Once you pop, you can’t stop. Love the stamina, dude, but we’re gonna need a movie break soon.

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A post shared by Tommy Siegel (@tommysiegel)

  • Author
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Hebba Gouda
Hebba Gouda
Hebba is a New Jersey born, Minnesota educated brunch enthusiast who is strongly in favor of the Oxford comma. She likes nostalgic songs, jigsaw puzzles, and middle brownie pieces. She dislikes humidity, sports, and sports in humidity. She uses her background in science and creative writing as part of the team behind the podcast Two What's?! and a Wow! You can find her being silly on Twitter and serious on LinkedIn.
Hebba Gouda
Latest posts by Hebba Gouda (see all)
  • The 14 Hottest Food Mascots That Are, Themselves, a Snack  - January 25, 2023
  • Have You Tried the Most Popular Snacks In America? - January 23, 2023
  • We Ate A Lot of Ranch and Ranked Them All From Worst to Best - January 18, 2023
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. This post may contain affiliate links from Amazon and other sites that we collect a share of sales from.
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