Valentine’s Day means products that scream “love is alive!” as we scream “please stop with the chalky candy hearts!” They can’t even fit “You’re cute but I’ll never love you like I loved 2003 Orlando Bloom.” Luckily, the Valentine’s Day lineup at Trader Joe’s for 2024 has some tastier, fresher snack and dinner options.
Plus, Trader Joe’s offers products can be enjoyed by anybody regardless of relationship status. Single? Married? Widowed seven times for no particular reason? You can still treat yourself to a heart-shaped macaron or gummy Xs and Os, Mrs. White.
Whether you love an intimate Valentine’s dinner, are getting together for Galentine’s or Pal-entine’s brunch, or have plans to watch Monarch in your pajamas, chocolate is still delicious and boy, does TJ’s have some options for you.
Call us capitalist sheep, but we buy into the Valentine’s market. What can we say? We’re suckers for some heart-shaped goods. Keep these for yourself, share by candlelight, or give as a gift to say “I’d find Trader Joe’s parking for you.”
The Best Valentine’s Products at Trader Joe’s (2024)
1. Gummy X’s and O’s
Trader Joe’s has a great track record with gummies (what’s up Scandinavian Swimmers), and these are no different. The X’s and O’s come in white, red, and pink.
The exact flavors are a little ambiguous, but the white lean citrus and the red and pink suggest various berries. The way we see it, if you want something that tastes distinctly and unmistakably like a certain fruit, the produce aisle is at your disposal. For a sweet, chewy treat, these will do splendidly.
And kudos to TJ’s for capitalizing on the foundational idea of romance: Nothing is sexier than a game of tic-tac-toe. Ok, unless it’s one of these.
2. Heart Shaped Macarons
The classic year-round assortment of macs at TJ’s is great, but these heart-shaped macarons have our heart.
One box comes with eight macarons, half with vanilla crème and strawberry center, and half with raspberry crème. They’re adorable, delicious, affordable, and they mean we don’t have to go through the headache of making our own macarons.
3. Mini Heart Cookies
Talk about a match made in heaven. Our only beef is that these are heart-shaped treats are mini. Does that Grinch guy give workshops on how to grow hearts three sizes?
4. Jelly Bean Hearts
Did anyone else totally miss how the regular jelly bean shape is pretty close to a charmingly amorphous heart? Trader Joe’s didn’t.
They took that and ran with it, cranking out some adorable jelly bean hearts that look a bit cuter and taste a whole lot better than Bertie Bott’s and their somehow-I-always-get-vomit-flavored beans.
Jack thought he was so slick getting one bean for a cow, but we just got a whole lot more for $1.49, and we don’t have to deal with a cranky giant.
5. Valentine Sprinkles
Oh no! Your date brought a Valentine’s offering to dinner, and you arrived empty handed. Add instant Valentine’s spirit with these heart-shaped sprinkles in all the Valentine’s colors. Mmmm sprinkle steak!
6. Chocolate Berry Lip Mask Duo
For many of us, Valentine’s hits at one of the coldest times of the year, which has our lips almost as dry as our humor. A pack of these comes with one chocolate and one berry scented lip mask, so you can mix and match as you please.
Either way, you’ll be left thanking the mix of shea butter, coconut oil, and either cocoa seed butter or raspberry seed oil for moist, supple lips that we promise feel less gross than that sounds.
These are great for if you’re gearing up to do some smooching, or if you just don’t want your lips to crack when you laugh to yourself watching reruns of the British Bake Off alone.
7. Chocolatey Dipping Kit
Imagine: You have a date over. Things are going really well. They say “you know what? I’m gonna dip.” You panic, but they whip out this dipping kit, with milk chocolate disks, Valentine’s sprinkles, and a one-way ticket to Flavortown.
All you need is bowls, a microwave, parchment, and an engagement ring for your date, who obviously just gets you.
8. Chews Me Dog Treats
Who says Valentine’s is just for humans? Our dogs need some love, and we need to know if a human version of a “sweet cream-flavored dental stick” exists, we bet it’d get that fifth dentist on board.
9. Dark Chocolate Caramel Hearts
If a tree falls in the forest and there are no heart-shaped chocolates, is it really Valentine’s Day? Wait, that’s not right. Or maybe it is. Who can think about philosophy when we’re daydreaming about chewy caramel covered in shiny dark chocolate?
That was a rectangular question. Retoolable question. Whatever, eat the chocolate.
10. Valentine’s Cards
If there are three things we love, they’re Trader Joe’s, sweet puns, and the copious amount of therapy that taught us how to love. Two of these are marketable. TJ’s offers a selection of cards, featuring adorable messages for every lover, friend, or occasion of “do you have enough for everyone in the class” this Valentine’s Day.
11. Italian Artisan Heart Shaped Pasta
Anyone that’s ever exiled family members over the debate of “does the SpongeBob mac and cheese taste better” knows that pasta shape matters. Not only is the pasta shaped for love, but it also includes tomato powder and beet powder to give it a romantic red hue.
Could you have a romantic date night with normal pasta? Sure, but you could also have it with this adorable heart-shaped version, on the off-chance that you’re not a monster and you actually care about the relationship. See? We’re heated just thinking about it.
12. Belgian Chocolate Hearts
Belgium knows their chocolate. If you take that expertly made chocolate and fill it with praline as Trader Joe’s has done, you could shape it like an overflowing dumpster behind a seafood monger and we’d still buy it.
But the heart mold was less expensive and more appealing. Good call, TJ’s marketing.
13. A Handful of Tiny Dark Chocolate Pretzels
We can’t quite put our finger on why these non-heart-shaped pretzel treats somehow feel so appropriate for Valentine’s Day, but they do. Maybe it’s because the small bags are single serving and there’s no need to open the full sized. They’re perfect for those with commitment issues!
Maybe it’s because a sweet and salty combination reminds us of our parents. (We won’t say who is who.) Regardless of what it is, these little pretzels are here for anyone that’d rather hold chocolate than hold hands.
14. Valentine’s Stickers
For the TJ’s lovers in your life that deserve a Valentine but can’t seem to keep track of any little slips of paper, there are stickers. We thank TJ’s for a way to adorn water bottles, phone cases, and our foreheads with adorable wordplay.
15. Ricotta Cuoricini Ravioli
This ravioli takes the concept of hugging and wraps pasta around cheese and balsamic reduction. We have a lot to learn when it comes to hugging.
But we already have some characteristics in common. We’re often covered in sauce, usually full of cheese, and only we’re a little more upset when we get dropped into boiling water.
16. Brazil Nut Body Oil
Whenever we hear “body oil” we kind of can’t help but imagine Fabio, locks blowing slow mo in the wind, welcoming us into his massage palace of relaxation.
This Brazil Nut Body Oil may not come with a romance novel icon or first few bars of “Let’s Get It On,” but it does come scented like salted caramel and pistachio, has the power of hydration, and the perfect way to keep your skin soft and supple during the dark February days. Great for hydration. Not so great for gripping the remote.
17. Raspberry Mousse Cake
Sure, raspberries fit the “red” bucket of Valentine’s Day, but it also fits the “delicious” bucket of Trader Joe’s. Though the cakes are vanilla, they’re topped with a generous dollop of raspberry mousse before being covered in a candy coating and adorned with a small green leaf.
They’ll make you say “Oh they’re almost too cute to eat,” before eating them all. What? You said “almost.”
18. Chocolate Mousse Cake
There’s Romeo and Juliet. There’s Noah and Allie. There’s Jack and Rose. All of those iconic couples don’t hold a candle to our favorite pairing: Chocolate and more chocolate.
This rich dessert is made up of chocolate cake, layered with chocolate mousse, covered in chocolate. Can there be too much of a good thing? Maybe. We’re eating the whole cake to conduct research.
19. Raspberry Hearts Cookies
We heart these raspberry heart cookies. Raspberries are our jam, especially when they’re jam. Shortbread cookies aren’t short on flavor.
We can’t stop with the jokes because we’re so excited to see these back on the shelves, and we can’t wait to get our mitts on that almond-y cookie and tart filling. Petition to make these a permanent product. We have hearts all year round, don’t we, Trader Joe’s?
20. Brut Rosé French Sparkling Wine
If you close your eyes and listen closely, you can hear a pretentious foodie saying “it’s only champagne if it’s from the Champagne region of France.”
But this is the same deal. It’s a sparkling wine that’ll make you feel fancy as anything, with that lovely pink hue that’s perfect for Valentine’s.
21. Cachet Belgian Chocolate Assortment
Russel Stover, make room for the real deal. This assortment of milk, dark, and white chocolates culminates in a selection of 14 different options for anyone you love enough to share with.
With classic options like caramel and unique flavors like truffle coffee or raspberry yogurt, this is the real chocolate lover’s dream. Running Wonka’s factory sounded like a lot of work anyway.
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